“Like a sandcastle, all is temporary. Build it, tend it, enjoy it. And when the time comes, let it go.” ~Jack Kornfield

So have you ever loved someone who has been rejected. How do you help them cope with it? What is the right thing to do?

There are times they will just want you to sit with them quietly. There are times they will want you to hold and hug them. There are times they will want to ask you the whys and wherefores they are asking themselves. There are times they will just want to be alone.

How do you judge what they want? You might not get this right all the time but hopefully you can sense this or they will let you know.

They will have so many questions, they will blame themselves, they will be sad, they will be angry, they will drink too much and party too hard, they will at times wallow in their misery.

I don’t have the answers but I do know that the first thing they need to do is  to Allow themselves time to grieve. Its normal, its natural and can take days, weeks, months and in some cases years, and there will be times that this grief will come back to haunt them.

They may not want to hear it but somehow we need to let them them know that things won’t always be this way.

“Tough times never last, but tough people do.” ~Robert H. Schuller

I think most important to the healing process is they need to accept that things will never go back to the way they were. You cannot make them do any of this. They need to accept and realise this for themselves.

The person that left, has most likely moved on. They would not have made the decision on the spur of the moment. They would have been thinking about it for some time. And they would have known they were hurting him or her when they made that decision.

Somehow, we need to help them release blame, anger and resentment. They will not regain peace of mind until they can do this.

We need to remind them of how far they have come in life, compare this to previous times in their lives. That their ex’s in fact did make some positive differences to their lives.

When someone rejects you, for whatever reason, it’s because you two aren’t a good fit—they just saw it first. Eventually, you would have seen it as well. The fact that they act on this early realization is actually a blessing, because they are saving both of you from wasting time.

And most importantly you need to remind themselves that today and the future is the only thing they can do something about. The past cannot be changed. Yes, there. will be uncertainty but there is always uncertainty.

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I update this regularly. This is my personal opinion only. I haven’t mentioned every party either. 


They need to be there to keep the 2 main parties in line. They will never amount to much but eventually some of their policies get adopted by the other 2 parties and become mainstream. National and Labour are now as green as the Greens were a few years ago. 

Winston Peters

Used to be the Grey Brigade (now even older) and Neonazi’s and racists that followed Winston. He played the Immigration card but Jacinda has taken that. Hopefully he won’t be kingmaker. 

Pretty amazing though how he managed to deflect this making it about “how it was revealed” rather than his trangression. He claimed too much. He got caught. He paid it back. He still won’t reveal how much it was. This is the man that demands transparency.

Gareth Morgan and TOP

Odd man. Wants to remove all cats. Certainly not someone I would want as my prime minister. But he does tell it like it is. Sometimes a bit too blatantly as in “Jacinda is the lipstick on a pig.”

All the people under her are exactly the same people that were under Andrew Little. She’s just added a little gloss.

Labour and National

Jacinda Ardern comes with little experience. She has been in parliament since she was very young but has no real track record. 

Bill English does come with experience but also carries baggage. 

Lets look at some of the policies

Free university education

Nothing is ever free. Someone has to pay for this. And it will be you and I, in taxes.That way we won’t be paying to train the future generation of other countries. National want to keep the current system of interest free loans to students. 

How about a loan to everyone (not just university students) but apprentices and all people learning a trade. Write this off by 10% a year for as long as they remain in New Zealand.

Age of superannuation entitlement

The retirement age should be raised immediately. The country cannot continue to afford to pay for retirement at 65. When this was first introduced, (in 1898) the life expectancy was not even 65. In 1938 it was lowered to 60, 61 in 1992 then gradually raised to 65 between 1993 and 2001. 

At 65 we are fitter and healthier than we have ever been. It is selfish of us to want to have our kids pay for us to go fishing or play golf when we are perfectly capable of doing a days work. We now live to the ripe old age of 85 for male and 90 for females and this is increasing all the time. 

National want to raise it over the next 20 years.

Labour want to keep it the same.

Capital Gains Taxes, Land taxes.

Okay Labour have now put their tax reforms on the back burner until 2020. So how are they going to pay for all the extensive changes they are promising? National promises a lower tax rate. I’d rather keep paying the same tax and put that money towards health or some other social service.

Water Tax

Okay agree something has to be done here. But farmers need to be granted an exemption. Agriculture is the lifeline of our economy especially in the Waikato. Our wine industry is now a massive earner. Lets just tax the overseas companies that take our water for nothing. National don’t want to introduce any tax. Labour wants to tax everyone.


Labour wants to cut immigration numbers. National want to keep immigration levels up but this is putting massive pressure on Auckland.Most of our major industries however need immigrants to survive. Instead of cutting numbers why not allow immigrants into the country but restrict them to areas of need for a period of time. Definitely keep them out of Auckland.


I think that all the parties need to get together to solve this. Anything that causes house prices to drop significantly is going to put major pressure on many people who will be in negative equity. Higher interest rates will make current loans unaffordable for many. One obvious solution is restricting anyone who is not a New Zealand citizen to only be able to build a new house and not allow them to buy an existing home. I really don’t know that any party has an answer to this.



National’s improvement of the roading in the Upper North Island is certainly making our roads safer. Since the introduction of the newer expressways, there have been no deaths in those areas that have been improved. 

Everyone agrees that something needs to be done about the Auckland situation. Better public transport is probably the best solution. Who pays for this? Once again i think this needs to be a long term solution with both parties making a decision and sticking with it no matter who comes to power.


I would certainly support Jacinda and Labour on this point. I can understand that Bill English with his strong Catholic commitment would not support this but I hope that National will allow all their ministers are allowed to vote as they want to and there is no party line. 

My concerns 

One of my biggest concerns is that labour will restore the power to the Unions that they have had in the past. Remember the days of port strikes when the country was held to ransom etc. 

I also remember the Labour days when parallel importing was not allowed. Even 10 year old cars cost a fortune. TV’s were 1000’s of dollars. Everything was expensive. Even home loans were in double digits. Now we have almost zero inflation, and in some instances deflation and low interest rates.

We do however need to start taxing all imports irrespective of the amount spent. We have to pay GST for anything purchased in New Zealand. 

So what am I going to do? 

I think I am going to vote National. Whilst many of my friends are screaming for change, National has brought us through a global economic crisis relatively unscathed despite the massive impact of the Christchurch and Kaikoura earthquakes,  and the floods in the lower North Island. I’d like to give them another 3 years to consolidate. 

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This isn’t my article. This was written by a woman on facebook and there is no way I could better it, so posted in it’s entirety. I could not paste the link here but it is linked on my facebook page. I have 2 really close friend with a severe anxiety disorder. Its very difficult to understand but we should try. 

To the man whose wife or partner has anxiety,

You might have heard that she has anxiety from sitting by her side in a doctors office, holding her hands while the tears steam down her face. You might have seen her get angry and explode because she’s overwhelmed. Wondering where this rage has come from. You might have seen her sit quietly staring into the distance with a panic in her eye.

You might have guessed, or she might have told you, but either way there are things you should know.

Anxiety isn’t a one size fits all, it isn’t consistent and it isn’t always easy to tell. You might think she’s just snapped at you, but it was anxiety that did it, you might think she’s angry, but it’s the anxiety that’s got a choke hold, you might think she’s not enjoying herself when you go out and it’s your fault, but it’s not. It’s anxiety.

You know how she can’t understand when she asks you what are you thinking, why you would respond with “nothing”… it’s because she never thinks nothing. Her thoughts replay like a freight train in her head full steam ahead, over and over. It’s exhausting for her. It’s why she’s tired.

There isn’t a day that goes by where she doesn’t think. She thinks about everything, and usually it is the worst case scenario. She worries that something will go wrong. That some days if she leaves the house, something will happen. Kidnapping, deaths, falls, cars spinning out of control, that’s why she can’t just leave the house or just go out, even though you’ve suggested it with good intentions. But it’s not so easy. That’s why when she’s home alone or out by herself she will text you a million times, telling you her every move or telling you everything that’s going wrong, she knows you can’t change anything, she knows you feel helpless, but so does she, that’s why she needs to share it with you, otherwise her head will explode with panic.

Sometimes she wonders why you’re with her, and if you knew she had anxiety would you still be there, do you regret it? Being with her? Do you wish you were with someone else that didn’t have this vice around their neck?

I want you to know I see that this is tough on you, tough to see your loved one hurt, tough on you, the pressure for you would be immense. But don’t think for a second she doesn’t see you, don’t think for a second she doesn’t worry about you too. she even gets anxiety about you. She knows it’s not your fault, and she knows you want to fix her and in the way that means you help her, but you can’t fix her. She’s not broken.

But you can help her, you can loosen the vice. You can see what gets too much for her, the crowds of people or bed time, dinner time, see it and help her by holding her hand and tell her you’re with her. Do it with her, take over, tell her to sit down for a while and breathe. 
If you see her struggling with appointments, reschedule them for her, encourage her to take it slowly. Too much is overwhelming for her, even though she has good intentions. Don’t make her feel bad for missing an appointment, a party, whatever. She wanted to go, but she couldn’t. She already feels bad. Tells her it’s okay. Take the kids out for a play when you see her struggling, encourage her to take time out for herself. If the kids are awake all night and she’s worse if she has less sleep, get up with her, take over. Tell her to go back to bed.

Sometimes the answer won’t be so obvious. Sometimes she won’t even know the answer is to what she needs, but so long as your patient with her, she will feel your love.
She or you won’t benefit if you get frustrated, it’ll just escalate and make both of you miserable. She doesn’t want her anxiety to define your relationship and when you are patient, you’re telling her you’re willing to do the same.

Anxiety is heartbreaking for her. Really it is. She wishes she could just feel free. The free feeling of just being carefree and not a prisoner to this ugly illness. Free of the voice that follows her listing all her insecurities.

Not every day will be bad, and those days should be celebrated, but on the bad days, still celebrate her, because she needs it.

She appreciates you, she loves you. She’s vulnerable and scared. But she chose you to share her biggest deepest scar tissue that resides in her heart, and she knew the day she met you that you were the one worthy enough to see her in all her imperfections. She will love you with that whole heart, and you know she will because she’s already listed the pros and cons 😉… and just as you are by her side she will be fiercely loyal to yours. Forever and ever, you just to need take her hand and tell her, “I am with you”


A wife, a woman and a mumma who has anxiety.

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Cheap Sensationalism by Journalists

As many of you know, we have numerous business interests. They include my obgyn business of course, as well as the Risqueevents ticketing site and our events including Cirlesque. We also help run the Fetish Ball with Glen as our … Continue reading

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Drama Queens … or Kings….

“You can’t save others from themselves because those who make a perpetual muddle of their lives don’t appreciate your interfering with the drama they’ve created. They want your poor-sweet-baby sympathy, but they don’t want to change.”
― Sue Grafton

Some people cannot help themselves. They need to have drama in their lives, and even when everything is smooth sailing, they create something to stir up drama.

The problem is they don’t just keep the drama to themselves. They seem to have a need to spread the drama. They need to involve others, and social media with “vaguebooking” has made this even easier for them.

(”vaguebooking“ are posts that are meant to get you to ask whats wrong?, what happened? etc. for example “I’m disgusted”, or “fucccck”  to which friends almost always respond, and that opens the door to the drama.)

People say that as they mature they grow, but what they really mean is that as they grow they reduce the clutter in their lives and cut away the bullshit that weighs them down. So as you mature you actually shrink, you remove all the unnecessary stuff from your life. But these guys don’t declutter. They never really grow up. Their lives are unnescessarily complicated.

So drop the drama, and drop the people whose lives revolve around it.

Happiness is an experience, not an achievement. It is a choice to love oneself enough to be grateful for everything without complicating things further with made up drama. Happiness is a way of life. So just make the choice to be happy, and you are more than half way there. If something enhances your life then by all means, add it to your life. But if the drama just brings chaos to your happiness and your order then just let it go.

The simpler you make your life, the less stress there will be.

“Free yourself from the complexities and drama of your life. Simplify. Look within. Within ourselves we all have the gifts and talents we need to fulfil the purpose we’ve been blessed with.”
― Steve Maraboli

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Karma does not need a helping hand.

How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours. Wayne Dyer

A guy drove past me today, nearly ran me over and instead of acknowledging that he had done wrong, he turned around and shouted out of his window, “You fat black bastard”.  My initial reaction was to say ‘I love being black and at least I can do something about fat, but you can’t do anything about being ugly”, or “Is that the best you can come up with?” which would have been the sort of reaction I have always had in the past. Instead I just let it slide and walked away.

It got me thinking about another incident that happened a few days ago. Someone I regarded as a good friend of mine betrayed me with Sophia Lee. I posted something about Karma (almost 2 years later), and this “friend” (through guilt I suppose), who had been involved in a really  unfortunate accident, presumed I was talking about her although I had sympathised and offered help at the time.

This lady went on the warpath and tried to besmirch my reputation as a person and as a professional. I thought about retaliating then too, and my medical protection company was keen to prosecute under the new internet laws but I have since decided otherwise.

A friend of hers offered to “visit” me and teach me a lesson. I understand that he has since been struck by some virus and been unable to work. Is this Karma at work or sheer coincidence? Who knows.

I do however know a lot of things about myself. I like myself, its not arrogance,  it’s not cockyness. I decided to put things down on paper and realised just how lucky I am. Okay, I am talking myself up, and I might have made myself seem like the best thing since sliced bread, but hey if I don’t appreciate myself, how can I expect anyone else to.

I am confident, well mannered, respected, intelligent, successful, reasonably good looking, charismatic, I have personality, I exude energy and vitality, I am vibrant and exciting to be around, there is always something going on in my life to look forward to, I work hard and play even harder, and I have a very positive outlook on life.

I am kind, giving, generous, and caring, and am willing to make sacrifices for those I care about. I have an awesome immediate family, and extended family and network of friends. I love being around my family and friends and am sure they love being around me.

I can be best friends with the president of the company and best friends with the caretaker of the building. I can mix and talk with anyone.

My biggest downfall has been my pride and my vindictiveness. And I know, its hard to believe, I have finally grown up and am actively trying to change this aspect of my character. I have been known to indulge too much and misbehave occasionally and will probably go on doing this, but that is part of who I am.

So to all those people who would like to have a go at me out there, feel free. I am happy and content with where I am and who I am and your opinions are really inconsequential. The people that count in my life value me for who I am.

Which brings me back to my topic. Karma does not need a helping hand. If you inflict harm on someone to help Karma, then Karma might decide to visit you as well.

Just “Spray and Walk away”…..

I’m a great believer in karma, and the vengeance that it serves up to those who are deliberately mean is generally enough for me. Beth Ditto

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“To me, the thing that is worse than death is betrayal. You see, I could conceive death, but I could not conceive betrayal.”
― Malcolm X

I have thought long and hard about whether to publish this blog and have had it sitting in my drafts for a little while now. Its a short blog but gets to the point pretty rapidly.

Have you ever found out that someone who you thought was a really good friend, someone who you thought was a special friend, Betray you. Have you ever found out, that not only had they betrayed you now, but they had been lying to you. And that they did it so convincingly. And the reason for the lies was to hide the betrayal. (or not to hurt you any further). And when the betrayal is finally revealed as it inevitably is. how can you ever trust them again. Should you trust them again. If they can betray you and lie so convincingly how will you ever know when they are lying again?

“If someone betrays you once, it’s their fault; if they betray you twice, it’s your fault. Eleanor Roosevelt”

“If someone betrays you more than twice then you are a bloody idiot.” Naylin

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Mighty River Power

I am vehemently opposed to the sale of Mighty River Power yet I have registered to buy shares in the company.  I firmly believe that rather than the government statement of “no one owns the water”, that all of us, all New Zealanders own the water and therefore it is the duty of the government to make sure that the control of this water stays in the hands of New Zealanders.

The government is being extremely short sighted. Yes, Oil is unlikely to run out as many more deposits of oil have been found around the world but these are in relatively inaccessible areas and extremely costly to mine, therefore the costs of other forms of energy are going to go up significantly. The short term monetary gain to be made from selling this asset misses out on the long term loss that all New Zealanders will have to pay for.

So yes, John Key, I have registered to buy shares in Mighty River Power but please don’t use my registering to purchase shares as be being pro sale of the asset. If the sale of the asset is to go ahead anyway, I want to make sure I can keep what little of it I get in New Zealand hands. And that is my primary and only motive for purchasing these shares.
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Do Gooders and The Warrant of Fitness

The one problem with a reasonably affluent society like New
Zealand is that the middle class have so few real “problems”. Sure we all have
our interpersonal relationship problems, but their is no real starvation, no
oppression, no wondering whether you are going to survive the day etc.

So these people have to invent problems to make their lives
more fulfilling.

Typical example. Form a group to fight the law changes
regarding the Warrant of Fitness. Scaremonger on Radio, TV and newspapers on
how this change is going to increase all the dangerous cars on the road. No
facts or figures have been given to support these figures. Instead they use the
boyracers who have ilowered their cars as an example of this. The truth is that
very few of these boy racers cars are legal so they don’t even bother to get a
WOF. And the police are very vigialant about this and constantly check these
cars out.

When the original WOF laws were introduced, the majority of
new Zealander s  owned old cars probably
th hand that had been on the road for many years. Cars weren’t made
as well as they are today and were held onto for far longer than they were
intended to. But times have moved on. Cars last longer, they are well made and
visits to the mechanic in the first 10 years of life are rate these days. So
extending the time between warrants to a year, not only makes sense but also
makes financial sense. I have lost about an hour each time i have had to take
my car to the Testing station. An hours less work. Payment for the Warrant
which has multiplied way above the level of inflation etc etc.

So yes, these do gooders really have no leg to stand on. But
does that deter them. Nope, with some money behind them and an actual feeling
of doing something, no matter how misguided it is, they plunge headlong into
this to bring some enjoyment into their stifled lives.

Get a life people.

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The Great Immunisation debate

Yesterday I commented on a friends page on a matter I feel very strongly about and got some comments back that I feel I have to blog on.

In a country like New Zealand, the majority of the population are immunised.  Sure there are complications with some immunisations but the majority of these complications are pain and swelling associated with the injections, occasional irritability and crying.

Yet some people ride the herd immunisation wave and quote the worst case scenario complications which are few and far between.

I commented on having come from South African and the reality of the situation there, however,

One comment was:

I have been known to enjoy research for a while. Herd Immunity is an ideology propagated by vaccine companies and their scientific lackeys. From my own research it would seem the peoples on the continent of Africa have been cruelly experimented on by governmental and multinational contingencies. Add to that the drastic changes in living conditions, agriculture, health and spirituality of tribal communities post colonization, and you have a recipe for damage on a huge scale.
Compare this to the relatively stress-free (and I do mean relative) environment of a ‘normal family’ in Aotearoa, who’s biology and homeostasis is fortified by ‘sufficient’ food, water and medicine, who’s living conditions, hygiene and access to a broad spectrum of healthcare is adequate and who can chose from multiple forms of treatment (homeopathics, naturopathy, cranio, herbalism, bach flower, western etc), and we can conclude there may be a higher chance of combating certain diseases and illness.

Firstly, do we really think that almost every medical practioner that we know, is subject to being duped by vaccine companies and their scientific lackeys. We all immunise our kids.
Ask yourself why this is?

I have been brought up in South Africa and have witnessed first hand the devastation that these illnesses we are trying to prevent have caused. In South Africa, there are lots of different classes but 2 distinct classes stand out, the impoverished, poor, malnourished, African society and the wealthy, healthy, overindulged Indian and White communities. There is no lack of access to the best healthcare in the world in these communities, but because of the lack of “herd Immunity” unimmunised children from these “privileged” communities still get the disease. And frequently enough that very few South Africans from those communities now risk their childrens health by letting them go unimmunised.

My learned colleague above quotes research that he had done to prove the opposite. Anecdotal stories are not research. It would be totally unethical to research the benefits of immunisation in any Western country. The numbers needed to truly conduct a **double blind, placebo controlled trial to see the benefits versus the risks of immunisations would be huge. I would love him to present his research to any valid scientific magazine so that it can be adequately tested.

Say what you want to about immunisation, think what you want to, but the truth is, Fail to immunise and you put your child and the health of nation at risk.
This isn’t scare mongering. It is the simple hard truth. I fear that we will have to reach that critical threshold when some of these illnesses start to rear their ugly heads in New Zealand again before people come to their senses.

  • ** double blind placebo controlled trial would involve having 3 groups, 1 not immunised
  • group 2 and group 3, given something.
  • group 2 will be given a placebo i.e. just water maybe
  • group 3 will be given the actual vaccine
  • neither the givers or the receivers in group 2 or 3 will know what they are giving or being given.
  • Finally the results are assessed by people who don’t know which was placebo and which was vaccine. This is done to eliminate any bias.
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