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Naylin Appanna
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Love
I’ve been to 3 weddings in the last year. The first Liam and Deanna Paul, the second Nathan and Ashlyn Clarricoats and the 3rd, Isham and Mira Khan.
The most prudent issue about this is that all 3 of them met online. Now some people frown on online relationships and look at people who do this as socially inept.
The truth is that online relationships work because people do their homework before they decide on whom to talk to. They have a good idea of what they want and what they are looking for and so exclude those that might not fit their ideal criteria.
I have always felt that you will be very lucky in life if you find someone with whom you are 80% compatible. Mostly you are going to find someone who will be about 50 to 60% compatible. The thing is that you need to accept that you are going to have differences and then not try to change those things in them but accept those differences and cherish those differences and adopt them into your lives if you can. It won’t happen overnight and won’t be easy for everyone, but if you can do this, then happy ever after is on the cards for you.
Which brings me to my next point about love. Many people have said that ” real love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person.”
Yes this might be true. The truth is when you find someone with whom you are compatible with, you can choose to let yourself fall in love with them or choose not to.
The fact is that when the honeymoon period ends, you will find that you are with someone who has just as many quirks and insecurities, and other issues as you have. And they will learn that you are likely to have just as many issues as they have.
Its when these issues occur that you have a choice. The love choice. You can choose to love them despite their faults or you will grow to despise their faults.
The choice is really yours. Its a deliberate choice. its a choice to love each other for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness or in health, until death do you part.
Some people simply jump overboard everytime difficulties are encountered. They will spend their lives looking for that absolutely perfect partner and very very rarely they will find that but more often than not, they will settle for less and will forever regret what they had let slip through their fingers.
So loving somebody, really is a choice. Once you choose to love someone despite their faults, weaknesses and other issues, longevity is more likely to be the outcome.
If you truly love someone and they truly love you you have to realise that keeping it going is never going to be easy, you have to want it, have to need it and have to plan on working towards it.
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Rejection
“Like a sandcastle, all is temporary. Build it, tend it, enjoy it. And when the time comes, let it go.” ~Jack Kornfield
So have you ever loved someone who has been rejected. How do you help them cope with it? What is the right thing to do?
There are times they will just want you to sit with them quietly. There are times they will want you to hold and hug them. There are times they will want to ask you the whys and wherefores they are asking themselves. There are times they will just want to be alone.
How do you judge what they want? You might not get this right all the time but hopefully you can sense this or they will let you know.
They will have so many questions, they will blame themselves, they will be sad, they will be angry, they will drink too much and party too hard, they will at times wallow in their misery.
I don’t have the answers but I do know that the first thing they need to do is to Allow themselves time to grieve. Its normal, its natural and can take days, weeks, months and in some cases years, and there will be times that this grief will come back to haunt them.
They may not want to hear it but somehow we need to let them them know that things won’t always be this way.
“Tough times never last, but tough people do.” ~Robert H. Schuller
I think most important to the healing process is they need to accept that things will never go back to the way they were. You cannot make them do any of this. They need to accept and realise this for themselves.
The person that left, has most likely moved on. They would not have made the decision on the spur of the moment. They would have been thinking about it for some time. And they would have known they were hurting him or her when they made that decision.
Somehow, we need to help them release blame, anger and resentment. They will not regain peace of mind until they can do this.
We need to remind them of how far they have come in life, compare this to previous times in their lives. That their ex’s in fact did make some positive differences to their lives.
When someone rejects you, for whatever reason, it’s because you two aren’t a good fit—they just saw it first. Eventually, you would have seen it as well. The fact that they act on this early realization is actually a blessing, because they are saving both of you from wasting time.
And most importantly you need to remind themselves that today and the future is the only thing they can do something about. The past cannot be changed. Yes, there. will be uncertainty but there is always uncertainty.
Posted in Deep and Meaningful, Life Experiences
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Voting?
I update this regularly. This is my personal opinion only. I haven’t mentioned every party either.
Greens
They need to be there to keep the 2 main parties in line. They will never amount to much but eventually some of their policies get adopted by the other 2 parties and become mainstream. National and Labour are now as green as the Greens were a few years ago.
Winston Peters
Used to be the Grey Brigade (now even older) and Neonazi’s and racists that followed Winston. He played the Immigration card but Jacinda has taken that. Hopefully he won’t be kingmaker.
Pretty amazing though how he managed to deflect this making it about “how it was revealed” rather than his trangression. He claimed too much. He got caught. He paid it back. He still won’t reveal how much it was. This is the man that demands transparency.
Gareth Morgan and TOP
Odd man. Wants to remove all cats. Certainly not someone I would want as my prime minister. But he does tell it like it is. Sometimes a bit too blatantly as in “Jacinda is the lipstick on a pig.”
All the people under her are exactly the same people that were under Andrew Little. She’s just added a little gloss.
Labour and National
Jacinda Ardern comes with little experience. She has been in parliament since she was very young but has no real track record.
Bill English does come with experience but also carries baggage.
Lets look at some of the policies
Free university education
Nothing is ever free. Someone has to pay for this. And it will be you and I, in taxes.That way we won’t be paying to train the future generation of other countries. National want to keep the current system of interest free loans to students.
How about a loan to everyone (not just university students) but apprentices and all people learning a trade. Write this off by 10% a year for as long as they remain in New Zealand.
Age of superannuation entitlement
The retirement age should be raised immediately. The country cannot continue to afford to pay for retirement at 65. When this was first introduced, (in 1898) the life expectancy was not even 65. In 1938 it was lowered to 60, 61 in 1992 then gradually raised to 65 between 1993 and 2001.
At 65 we are fitter and healthier than we have ever been. It is selfish of us to want to have our kids pay for us to go fishing or play golf when we are perfectly capable of doing a days work. We now live to the ripe old age of 85 for male and 90 for females and this is increasing all the time.
National want to raise it over the next 20 years.
Labour want to keep it the same.
Capital Gains Taxes, Land taxes.
Okay Labour have now put their tax reforms on the back burner until 2020. So how are they going to pay for all the extensive changes they are promising? National promises a lower tax rate. I’d rather keep paying the same tax and put that money towards health or some other social service.
Water Tax
Okay agree something has to be done here. But farmers need to be granted an exemption. Agriculture is the lifeline of our economy especially in the Waikato. Our wine industry is now a massive earner. Lets just tax the overseas companies that take our water for nothing. National don’t want to introduce any tax. Labour wants to tax everyone.
Immigration
Labour wants to cut immigration numbers. National want to keep immigration levels up but this is putting massive pressure on Auckland.Most of our major industries however need immigrants to survive. Instead of cutting numbers why not allow immigrants into the country but restrict them to areas of need for a period of time. Definitely keep them out of Auckland.
Housing
I think that all the parties need to get together to solve this. Anything that causes house prices to drop significantly is going to put major pressure on many people who will be in negative equity. Higher interest rates will make current loans unaffordable for many. One obvious solution is restricting anyone who is not a New Zealand citizen to only be able to build a new house and not allow them to buy an existing home. I really don’t know that any party has an answer to this.
Transport
National’s improvement of the roading in the Upper North Island is certainly making our roads safer. Since the introduction of the newer expressways, there have been no deaths in those areas that have been improved.
Everyone agrees that something needs to be done about the Auckland situation. Better public transport is probably the best solution. Who pays for this? Once again i think this needs to be a long term solution with both parties making a decision and sticking with it no matter who comes to power.
Abortion
I would certainly support Jacinda and Labour on this point. I can understand that Bill English with his strong Catholic commitment would not support this but I hope that National will allow all their ministers are allowed to vote as they want to and there is no party line.
My concerns
One of my biggest concerns is that labour will restore the power to the Unions that they have had in the past. Remember the days of port strikes when the country was held to ransom etc.
I also remember the Labour days when parallel importing was not allowed. Even 10 year old cars cost a fortune. TV’s were 1000’s of dollars. Everything was expensive. Even home loans were in double digits. Now we have almost zero inflation, and in some instances deflation and low interest rates.
We do however need to start taxing all imports irrespective of the amount spent. We have to pay GST for anything purchased in New Zealand.
So what am I going to do?
I think I am going to vote National. Whilst many of my friends are screaming for change, National has brought us through a global economic crisis relatively unscathed despite the massive impact of the Christchurch and Kaikoura earthquakes, and the floods in the lower North Island. I’d like to give them another 3 years to consolidate.
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Anxiety
This isn’t my article. This was written by a woman on facebook and there is no way I could better it, so posted in it’s entirety. I could not paste the link here but it is linked on my facebook page. I have 2 really close friend with a severe anxiety disorder. Its very difficult to understand but we should try.
To the man whose wife or partner has anxiety,
You might have heard that she has anxiety from sitting by her side in a doctors office, holding her hands while the tears steam down her face. You might have seen her get angry and explode because she’s overwhelmed. Wondering where this rage has come from. You might have seen her sit quietly staring into the distance with a panic in her eye.
You might have guessed, or she might have told you, but either way there are things you should know.
Anxiety isn’t a one size fits all, it isn’t consistent and it isn’t always easy to tell. You might think she’s just snapped at you, but it was anxiety that did it, you might think she’s angry, but it’s the anxiety that’s got a choke hold, you might think she’s not enjoying herself when you go out and it’s your fault, but it’s not. It’s anxiety.
You know how she can’t understand when she asks you what are you thinking, why you would respond with “nothing”… it’s because she never thinks nothing. Her thoughts replay like a freight train in her head full steam ahead, over and over. It’s exhausting for her. It’s why she’s tired.
There isn’t a day that goes by where she doesn’t think. She thinks about everything, and usually it is the worst case scenario. She worries that something will go wrong. That some days if she leaves the house, something will happen. Kidnapping, deaths, falls, cars spinning out of control, that’s why she can’t just leave the house or just go out, even though you’ve suggested it with good intentions. But it’s not so easy. That’s why when she’s home alone or out by herself she will text you a million times, telling you her every move or telling you everything that’s going wrong, she knows you can’t change anything, she knows you feel helpless, but so does she, that’s why she needs to share it with you, otherwise her head will explode with panic.
Sometimes she wonders why you’re with her, and if you knew she had anxiety would you still be there, do you regret it? Being with her? Do you wish you were with someone else that didn’t have this vice around their neck?
I want you to know I see that this is tough on you, tough to see your loved one hurt, tough on you, the pressure for you would be immense. But don’t think for a second she doesn’t see you, don’t think for a second she doesn’t worry about you too. she even gets anxiety about you. She knows it’s not your fault, and she knows you want to fix her and in the way that means you help her, but you can’t fix her. She’s not broken.
But you can help her, you can loosen the vice. You can see what gets too much for her, the crowds of people or bed time, dinner time, see it and help her by holding her hand and tell her you’re with her. Do it with her, take over, tell her to sit down for a while and breathe.
If you see her struggling with appointments, reschedule them for her, encourage her to take it slowly. Too much is overwhelming for her, even though she has good intentions. Don’t make her feel bad for missing an appointment, a party, whatever. She wanted to go, but she couldn’t. She already feels bad. Tells her it’s okay. Take the kids out for a play when you see her struggling, encourage her to take time out for herself. If the kids are awake all night and she’s worse if she has less sleep, get up with her, take over. Tell her to go back to bed.
Sometimes the answer won’t be so obvious. Sometimes she won’t even know the answer is to what she needs, but so long as your patient with her, she will feel your love.
She or you won’t benefit if you get frustrated, it’ll just escalate and make both of you miserable. She doesn’t want her anxiety to define your relationship and when you are patient, you’re telling her you’re willing to do the same.
Anxiety is heartbreaking for her. Really it is. She wishes she could just feel free. The free feeling of just being carefree and not a prisoner to this ugly illness. Free of the voice that follows her listing all her insecurities.
Not every day will be bad, and those days should be celebrated, but on the bad days, still celebrate her, because she needs it.
She appreciates you, she loves you. She’s vulnerable and scared. But she chose you to share her biggest deepest scar tissue that resides in her heart, and she knew the day she met you that you were the one worthy enough to see her in all her imperfections. She will love you with that whole heart, and you know she will because she’s already listed the pros and cons 
?… and just as you are by her side she will be fiercely loyal to yours. Forever and ever, you just to need take her hand and tell her, “I am with you”
Love,
A wife, a woman and a mumma who has anxiety.
Posted in Deep and Meaningful, Life Experiences
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Cheap Sensationalism by Journalists
As many of you know, we have numerous business interests. They include my obgyn business of course, as well as the Risqueevents ticketing site and our events including Cirlesque. We also help run the Fetish Ball with Glen as our … Continue reading
Drama Queens … or Kings….
“You can’t save others from themselves because those who make a perpetual muddle of their lives don’t appreciate your interfering with the drama they’ve created. They want your poor-sweet-baby sympathy, but they don’t want to change.”
― Sue Grafton
Some people cannot help themselves. They need to have drama in their lives, and even when everything is smooth sailing, they create something to stir up drama.
The problem is they don’t just keep the drama to themselves. They seem to have a need to spread the drama. They need to involve others, and social media with “vaguebooking” has made this even easier for them.
(”vaguebooking“ are posts that are meant to get you to ask whats wrong?, what happened? etc. for example “I’m disgusted”, or “fucccck” to which friends almost always respond, and that opens the door to the drama.)
People say that as they mature they grow, but what they really mean is that as they grow they reduce the clutter in their lives and cut away the bullshit that weighs them down. So as you mature you actually shrink, you remove all the unnecessary stuff from your life. But these guys don’t declutter. They never really grow up. Their lives are unnescessarily complicated.
So drop the drama, and drop the people whose lives revolve around it.
Happiness is an experience, not an achievement. It is a choice to love oneself enough to be grateful for everything without complicating things further with made up drama. Happiness is a way of life. So just make the choice to be happy, and you are more than half way there. If something enhances your life then by all means, add it to your life. But if the drama just brings chaos to your happiness and your order then just let it go.
The simpler you make your life, the less stress there will be.
“Free yourself from the complexities and drama of your life. Simplify. Look within. Within ourselves we all have the gifts and talents we need to fulfil the purpose we’ve been blessed with.”
― Steve Maraboli
Posted in Deep and Meaningful, General, Life Experiences
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Karma does not need a helping hand.
How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours. Wayne Dyer
A guy drove past me today, nearly ran me over and instead of acknowledging that he had done wrong, he turned around and shouted out of his window, “You fat black bastard”. My initial reaction was to say ‘I love being black and at least I can do something about fat, but you can’t do anything about being ugly”, or “Is that the best you can come up with?” which would have been the sort of reaction I have always had in the past. Instead I just let it slide and walked away.
It got me thinking about another incident that happened a few days ago. Someone I regarded as a good friend of mine betrayed me with Sophia Lee. I posted something about Karma (almost 2 years later), and this “friend” (through guilt I suppose), who had been involved in a really unfortunate accident, presumed I was talking about her although I had sympathised and offered help at the time.
This lady went on the warpath and tried to besmirch my reputation as a person and as a professional. I thought about retaliating then too, and my medical protection company was keen to prosecute under the new internet laws but I have since decided otherwise.
A friend of hers offered to “visit” me and teach me a lesson. I understand that he has since been struck by some virus and been unable to work. Is this Karma at work or sheer coincidence? Who knows.
I do however know a lot of things about myself. I like myself, its not arrogance, it’s not cockyness. I decided to put things down on paper and realised just how lucky I am. Okay, I am talking myself up, and I might have made myself seem like the best thing since sliced bread, but hey if I don’t appreciate myself, how can I expect anyone else to.
I am confident, well mannered, respected, intelligent, successful, reasonably good looking, charismatic, I have personality, I exude energy and vitality, I am vibrant and exciting to be around, there is always something going on in my life to look forward to, I work hard and play even harder, and I have a very positive outlook on life.
I am kind, giving, generous, and caring, and am willing to make sacrifices for those I care about. I have an awesome immediate family, and extended family and network of friends. I love being around my family and friends and am sure they love being around me.
I can be best friends with the president of the company and best friends with the caretaker of the building. I can mix and talk with anyone.
My biggest downfall has been my pride and my vindictiveness. And I know, its hard to believe, I have finally grown up and am actively trying to change this aspect of my character. I have been known to indulge too much and misbehave occasionally and will probably go on doing this, but that is part of who I am.
So to all those people who would like to have a go at me out there, feel free. I am happy and content with where I am and who I am and your opinions are really inconsequential. The people that count in my life value me for who I am.
Which brings me back to my topic. Karma does not need a helping hand. If you inflict harm on someone to help Karma, then Karma might decide to visit you as well.
Just “Spray and Walk away”…..
I’m a great believer in karma, and the vengeance that it serves up to those who are deliberately mean is generally enough for me. Beth Ditto
Posted in Deep and Meaningful, General
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Betrayal
“To me, the thing that is worse than death is betrayal. You see, I could conceive death, but I could not conceive betrayal.”
― Malcolm X
I have thought long and hard about whether to publish this blog and have had it sitting in my drafts for a little while now. Its a short blog but gets to the point pretty rapidly.
Have you ever found out that someone who you thought was a really good friend, someone who you thought was a special friend, Betray you. Have you ever found out, that not only had they betrayed you now, but they had been lying to you. And that they did it so convincingly. And the reason for the lies was to hide the betrayal. (or not to hurt you any further). And when the betrayal is finally revealed as it inevitably is. how can you ever trust them again. Should you trust them again. If they can betray you and lie so convincingly how will you ever know when they are lying again?
“If someone betrays you once, it’s their fault; if they betray you twice, it’s your fault. Eleanor Roosevelt”
“If someone betrays you more than twice then you are a bloody idiot.” Naylin
Posted in Deep and Meaningful, Life Experiences
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Mighty River Power
I am vehemently opposed to the sale of Mighty River Power yet I have registered to buy shares in the company. I firmly believe that rather than the government statement of “no one owns the water”, that all of us, all New Zealanders own the water and therefore it is the duty of the government to make sure that the control of this water stays in the hands of New Zealanders.
The government is being extremely short sighted. Yes, Oil is unlikely to run out as many more deposits of oil have been found around the world but these are in relatively inaccessible areas and extremely costly to mine, therefore the costs of other forms of energy are going to go up significantly. The short term monetary gain to be made from selling this asset misses out on the long term loss that all New Zealanders will have to pay for.
So yes, John Key, I have registered to buy shares in Mighty River Power but please don’t use my registering to purchase shares as be being pro sale of the asset. If the sale of the asset is to go ahead anyway, I want to make sure I can keep what little of it I get in New Zealand hands. And that is my primary and only motive for purchasing these shares.
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